森系·小仙女·INS女生头像：天上只有一个月亮，就像我心里只有一个你

有一对男女，男友：“亲爱的，我有一个坏消息和一个好消息，你要先听哪一个？”女的说：“哦，我要先听好消息。”男的说：“好消息是我要当爸爸了。”女的说：“可是我没有怀孕啊！”男的说：“这就是我要告诉你的坏消息。

There is a couple of men and women, boyfriend: "My dear, I have a bad news and a good news, which one do you want to hear first?" The woman said: "Oh, I have to hear the good news first." I ’m going to be a father. ”The woman said,“ But I ’m not pregnant! ”The man said,“ This is the bad news I ’m going to tell you.

结婚前夜，老爸递我一木盒：儿子，这是咱家的祖传之宝，传男不传女，你一定要妥善保管阿。我慎重的打开盒子，只见里面装着一对护膝。

On the eve of marriage, my dad handed me a wooden box: Son, this is the ancestral treasure of our family. I opened the box carefully and saw a pair of knee pads inside. . .

35岁的单身表姐昨晚看完电影一个人回家，路过一条昏暗的巷子，发现有个男人老是盯着她看，她就对那个男人说：“你再不过来，我就要叫了。”

The 35-year-old single cousin went home alone after watching the movie last night, walked through a dim alley, and found a man who was always staring at her, and she said to the man, "I will call you if you never come again. "

喝酒之后不胡言乱语，不哭不闹，不乱吹牛逼，不瞎打电话，不乱发微信，能做到这五点的人你喝个毛酒，浪费钱。

After drinking, don't talk nonsense, cry, make noises, talk on the phone, send WeChat, you can drink these wines and waste money

老刘过两天坐飞机回家，打电话跟他媳妇说：“要是我死了，你还年轻，再找一个，别为我守寡。”他媳妇含泪说：“我已经找好了，就等着你死了。”

Old Liu took a plane home two days later and called his daughter-in-law: "If I were dead, you are still young, find another one, don't be widowed for me." His daughter-in-law said with tears, "I have already found it, Just waiting for you to die. "

一年轻人总觉得工作不顺心，慈祥老董事长微笑着听完他的抱怨，拿起一个生鸡蛋放桌上，鸡蛋滚地上碎了。老董事长又拿起一个如法炮制。当拿起第五个蛋的时候，年轻人恍然大悟的说：我明白了，您是说只有熟鸡蛋才能立起来。”老董事长和蔼的吐了一口烟圈：“我的意思是不愿意干就滚蛋。”

A young man always feels that his work is not going well. The old, kindly chairman smiled and listened to his complaints, picked up a raw egg and put it on the table, and the egg was broken on the ground. The old chairman picked up another one as usual. When the fifth egg was picked up, the young man suddenly realized: I understand, you mean that only cooked eggs can stand up. The old chairman spit out a cigarette ring kindly: "I mean you don't want to do it and get out. "