有一對男女，男友：“親愛的，我有一個壞訊息和一個好訊息，你要先聽哪一個？”女的說：“哦，我要先聽好訊息。”男的說：“好訊息是我要當爸爸了。”女的說：“可是我沒有懷孕啊！”男的說：“這就是我要告訴你的壞訊息。
There is a couple of men and women, boyfriend: "My dear, I have a bad news and a good news, which one do you want to hear first?" The woman said: "Oh, I have to hear the good news first." I ’m going to be a father. ”The woman said,“ But I ’m not pregnant! ”The man said,“ This is the bad news I ’m going to tell you.
結婚前夜，老爸遞我一木盒：兒子，這是咱家的祖傳之寶，傳男不傳女，你一定要妥善保管阿。我慎重的開啟盒子，只見裡面裝著一對護膝。
On the eve of marriage, my dad handed me a wooden box: Son, this is the ancestral treasure of our family. I opened the box carefully and saw a pair of knee pads inside. . .
35歲的單身表姐昨晚看完電影一個人回家，路過一條昏暗的巷子，發現有個男人老是盯著她看，她就對那個男人說：“你再不過來，我就要叫了。”
The 35-year-old single cousin went home alone after watching the movie last night, walked through a dim alley, and found a man who was always staring at her, and she said to the man, "I will call you if you never come again. "
喝酒之後不胡言亂語，不哭不鬧，不亂吹牛逼，不瞎打電話，不亂髮微信，能做到這五點的人你喝個毛酒，浪費錢。
After drinking, don't talk nonsense, cry, make noises, talk on the phone, send WeChat, you can drink these wines and waste money
老劉過兩天坐飛機回家，打電話跟他媳婦說：“要是我死了，你還年輕，再找一個，別為我守寡。”他媳婦含淚說：“我已經找好了，就等著你死了。”
Old Liu took a plane home two days later and called his daughter-in-law: "If I were dead, you are still young, find another one, don't be widowed for me." His daughter-in-law said with tears, "I have already found it, Just waiting for you to die. "
一年輕人總覺得工作不順心，慈祥老董事長微笑著聽完他的抱怨，拿起一個生雞蛋放桌上，雞蛋滾地上碎了。老董事長又拿起一個如法炮製。當拿起第五個蛋的時候，年輕人恍然大悟的說：我明白了，您是說只有熟雞蛋才能立起來。”老董事長和藹的吐了一口菸圈：“我的意思是不願意幹就滾蛋。”
A young man always feels that his work is not going well. The old, kindly chairman smiled and listened to his complaints, picked up a raw egg and put it on the table, and the egg was broken on the ground. The old chairman picked up another one as usual. When the fifth egg was picked up, the young man suddenly realized: I understand, you mean that only cooked eggs can stand up. The old chairman spit out a cigarette ring kindly: "I mean you don't want to do it and get out. "